Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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