apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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