You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
