Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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