you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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