There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
