I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
