You just made me feel so damn special
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need a beard to bite.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
