We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
