Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
