Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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