There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
