My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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