Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
