I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
