Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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