the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
