chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
