got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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