there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
