Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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