I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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