it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
