So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Actions speak louder than pants.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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