I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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