whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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