Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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