so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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