Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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