She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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