Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize