my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
