It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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