don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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