WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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