kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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