HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
