me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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