Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
