this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She bit a glass in half.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
