i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
