6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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