so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
