I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
