Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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