you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
