I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
