Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
