FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
