Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
