You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize