I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
