no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
