ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
