my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
