Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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