What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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