Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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