Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
