Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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