you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
