So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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