I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
