Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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