When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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