dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
