his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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