I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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